Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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