does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
