Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
