When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
