I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
