Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
