This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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