And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
