I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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