True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize