I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
