just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize