I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
