it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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