It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
