I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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