the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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