Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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