not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize