Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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