I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
