Im at strip club and am horny
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
