Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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