I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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