so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
