Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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