By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
two words...techno handjob
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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