Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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