Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
