What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
