I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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