Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
