i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
