you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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