It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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