I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
