To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
