ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
