I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
be right there i have to get my cape
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
