2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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