when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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