you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
