We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
