mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She bit a glass in half.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
