I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it's like iHOP with fire
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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