Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
