end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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