from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
