Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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