so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
