I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
