Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
