you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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