fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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