she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize