I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
