You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
