So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
