I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
