Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's like heaven, but drunker
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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