this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
