I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
