Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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