You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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