she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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