to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
